Christian Relationship Advice When Help is Needed

Christian Relationship Devotional: Gaslighting

The term gaslighting comes from the play and 1945 movie Gaslight, starring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman. In this movie, Charles Boyer, as Ingrid Bergman’s husband, randomly manipulates the gaslight from the attic. When his wife notices it, he denies the gaslight is changing. He deliberately continues doing that and other things, such as changing pictures on the wall, and then treats his wife as if she is crazy. Due to his confident demeanor, she begins to doubt her own perceptions and sanity. He even convinces the housekeeper that his wife is crazy.

Gaslighting describes actions designed to make a person believe he/she is crazy. It is often precipitated by the victim confronting the aggressor with something he/she doesn’t want to admit. To deny it, he purposely does things to make the victim appear ridiculous and even crazy. Over time, the victim begins to doubt his/her sanity. People who have a double life also gaslight to prevent others from knowing the truth about them. When other people know the public persona of the aggressor as something other than the victim suspects, they may turn against the victim and side with the aggressor.

Any time you are in a relationship with someone who makes you doubt yourself, you need to get outside validation from people who are unbiased. This can be a counselor, a mentor, a sponsor, or an unbiased family member/friend. The following actions will help you confirm your perceptions:

  • Write down or record your conversations—what both of you said, what happened, etc.
  • Write what your gut tells you is your “truth.”
  • Let the other person listen or read the conversations.
  • Look for patterns of behavior or re-occurring gaslighting techniques.
  • Expect the aggressor to act really nice at times, to make you doubt yourself even more. See these “nice times” as part of the manipulation.
  • Ignore how you feel and use only your mind to analyze the interactions.
  • Don’t try to figure out the relationship. Just focus on recognizing the craziness.
  • Pretend this was a friend telling you about these encounters. What would you tell your friend?
  • Now tell yourself the same thing and get help to get out.

It’s hard to stay sane when someone is trying to make you feel crazy. Fight to get clarity and then take care of yourself by surrounding yourself with sanity.
 
By Karla Downing
 

 

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me to recognize when someone is gaslighting me. Give me clarity to hold on to my sanity so I can have the courage to protect myself by surrounding myself with sanity.
 

 

Relationship Devotional Challenge

 

  • Do you know someone who gaslights you?
  • Will you commit to following these suggestions?
  • Who will be your sane, safe person to go to?

 

 

Scripture Meditation

 
Daniel 4:34

“At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever. His dominion is an eternal dominion; his kingdom endures from generation to generation” (NIV).

There is help that can restore your sanity.

Psalm 57:4-6

“I am in the midst of lions; I lie among ravenous beasts—men whose teeth are spears and arrows, whose tongues are sharp swords. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth. They spread a net for my feet—I was bowed down in distress. They dug a pit in my path—but they have fallen into it themselves. Selah” (NIV).