Apologizing is necessary when you are aware that you have hurt someone by your action or inaction and you care about the relationship. An “apology” means that you are expressing regret for something you have done. It can also mean offering a justification or defense for a cause as with apologetics which argues for our faith.

Here are some things to consider when apologizing:

• Use wisdom as to whether or not you should or shouldn’t apologize to a person who will abusively use it against you and hurt you in any way.
• When someone is demanding an apology but you don’t feel like you did anything wrong, you can express regrets that your action upset them without admitting that you were wrong. This can feel like you are splitting hairs but it can be advantageous at times. Don’t do it if you aren’t sincere and don’t admit wrong when you weren’t just to avoid disapproval and keep the peace.
• If you aren’t sorry and don’t intend to change your actions in the future, don’t apologize since it is insincere and based on a false premise. How can you really be sorry when you don’t intend to change? The person will probably not accept the apology anyway as people tend to grow weary of empty words. If you are truly regretting what you did, you will do what you need to do to not do it again.
• If apologizing isn’t enough and you need to make restitution for your action, you have some additional choices. You can repay someone directly for the harm done. This is easy if you can repair the damage or compensate someone monetarily. If it isn’t the case, you can do things to help that are kind and caring. You can offer tokens that heal such as baking a cake, bringing flowers, buying dinner, helping with tasks, or a card.
• The other question is whether offering an explanation or excuse for your action will be helpful or harmful. The other meaning for “apology” is to offer a defense, yet sometimes the most powerful apology is short and simple: “I am sorry I hurt you. I was wrong. Will you forgive me?” Yet, there are times that explaining your motive or state of mind actually helps the other person to forgive you.

As with all relationship issues, there are many things about apologizing that require wisdom.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me to be willing to apologize when it is necessary to bring healing and is the right thing to do. Give me wisdom in the difficult situations.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Apologize when it is the right thing to do.

Scripture Meditation

 
Proverbs 18:19

“A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city; disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel” (NIV).

Not apologizing for an offense can put up walls in the relationship that get harder to tear down the longer they are there.