Are you a Christian codependent? Answer these questions to find out.

1. Do you unnecessarily caretake for others?

Caretaking means that you take care of other people. It is healthy to caretake for people when they are truly unable to care for themselves for reasons such as illness or age; otherwise, it is healthy to let people take care of themselves (Galatians 6:5).

2. Do you obsess over others’ choices?

You obsess when you can’t get your mind off another person. Whether it is a problem you want to fix, an attempt to try to change the person, or constant worry, obsession takes your mind away from living your life (2 Corinthians 10:5).

3. Do you ignore your own needs?

Do you ignore your own needs by repeatedly putting others’ needs before yours? The belief that God always wants you to put others before yourself is a misunderstanding of Scripture. God expects you to take care of yourself (Ephesians 5:6) and then balance caring for others with caring for yourself (Philippians 2:4).

4. Do you feel responsible for others?

Codependents typically feel responsible for other people’s choices, feelings, and needs. You feel responsible when you feel it is your fault that someone feels bad, suffers consequences, or doesn’t have needs met. You aren’t responsible for others; they are responsible for themselves before God and will give an account of their choices (Romans 14:12).

5. Do you frequently feel guilty?

Feelings of guilt typically surface for codependents when they tell people no, take care of themselves, or have negative reactions from other people. Guilt is misplaced when you feel bad about things that aren’t wrong (James 4:17). Taking care of yourself in relationships is the right thing to do.

6. Do you feel resentful?

Giving too much and tolerating too much result in you feeling resentful toward the people you are sacrificing for. This resentment comes from feeling there are no other options, which isn’t true. It is a choice to give too much, and you need to recognize that the choice to give often comes from your own insecurity and need to please rather than free will (2 Corinthians 9:7).

7. Do you try to control people, places, and things?

The need to control comes from the belief that things have to be a certain way for them to be okay. Control manifests in the many attempts to nag, coerce, threaten, plead, beg, and manipulate to get the other person to change. Control is an illusion. Admitting powerlessness over others actually gives codependents the power to live their own lives (Romans 8:28).

If you answered yes to some or all of these seven signs, then you are a codependent, and if you are a Christian, then you are a Christian codependent. The first thing you must do to change is to identify the problem. God doesn’t expect you to be codependent. He wants you to live your life fully and allow others to live their own lives.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

If I am codependent, please help me to correct the misunderstandings that cause me to believe that it is the “Christian” way to be.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

 
If you are a Christian codependent, correct the inaccurate ideas that cause you to believe that God wants you to be.

Scripture Meditation

 
2 Timothy 2:15

“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth” (NIV).

Look up the Scriptures in this article and correct any misunderstandings that you have.