Are you being mistreated in a relationship? How do you know? Answer these questions:

• Does it hurt? If it hurts, then something isn’t right and deserves a second look. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is wrong, as some of us are oversensitive, but it does mean you need to continue questioning.
• Would you do it to someone and feel right about it? If you know yourself to be a kind person who has a heart to please God in how you treat others, you can trust your answer.
• Would God approve? Would Jesus do it? If you can see Jesus doing it while on Earth and God smiling while he watches, then it must be okay. If Jesus wouldn’t do it and God wouldn’t be smiling, it probably isn’t.
• Does it take away your dignity? All of us deserve to be treated with respect and honor and to maintain our dignity as an individual worthy of good things. None of us deserves to be treated harshly, disrespectfully, or abusively.
• Does it violate Scripture? This is a clear-cut answer. If it does, it isn’t right.

It is important to be able to trust ourselves to identify when we are being mistreated, so we can trust ourselves to take care of ourselves. When we are being mistreated, we have the right to respond to it by stating our truth, asking that the mistreatment stop, setting a boundary, and taking care of ourselves however we need to in order to stop the mistreatment.

However, the balance to this is recognizing that we live in a sinful world with imperfect people who have problems. Our response to them cannot be so rigid and perfectionistic that we are constantly confronting them. We have to pick our battles by asking ourselves the following question: Is it a big deal or a little deal? If it is a little deal, you might want to overlook it, but if it is a big deal, you might want to confront it. In addition, if the confrontation won’t produce change and it will mean you will suffer more, you may decide to protect yourself without going directly to the person. This would also be appropriate when you are dealing with people who are incapable of change due to old age, mental illness, or other causes.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me know when I am being mistreated. Help me have the wisdom to know when it is a little deal or a big deal. Help me make the right decision in whether to confront it directly or to take care of myself in other ways.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Identify a relationship in which you feel you are being mistreated.
• Answer the questions about that mistreatment at the beginning of this article.
• If you are being mistreated, decide if you need to overlook it, take care of it yourself, or confront it directly.

Scripture Meditation

 
Matthew 5:43-44

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those that persecute you” (NIV).

Matthew 18:15

“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault” (NIV).

Proverbs 19:11

“A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense” (NIV).

Applying Scripture to your particular relationship requires wisdom and careful consideration of the circumstances.