What words come to mind when you think of being assertive? Is it pushy, over-bearing, demanding, selfish, irritating, or rude? None of these words are accurate descriptions. Being assertive simply means that you assert your “self.”

You assert your “self” by simply speaking clearly and directly about what you want, need, or believe. You can be assertive with the following steps:

• Know what you want, need, or believe.
• Believe that what you want, need, or believe is okay.
• Accept that you have a right to state it.
• Say what you want, need, or believe.
• Respect the fact that other people have the right to choose their response and believe differently.
• Hold to your premise even when others disagree, unless you have new information that truly alters your position. Be willing to restate it as many times as necessary that fits the situation.

Dysfunctional relationships make assertiveness more challenging because your feelings and thoughts are likely to be discounted and denied rather than validated and encouraged. Don’t get diverted from your truth by arguing about your right to your premise or by trying to defend it. And always be polite and courteous, even when the other person disagrees—you don’t have to get angry to be assertive.

Speaking truth can be costly in difficult relationships, so always assess if there will be fall-out and whether or not you are willing to deal with it. Asserting your “self” is about doing what you need to do to make yourself feel better not worse.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me know what I believe. Help me stand firm in what I believe. Help me believe that I am entitled to my beliefs and needs. And, give me wisdom in knowing when and how to assert myself.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Identify an area where you feel uncertain.
• Figure out what you believe, want, or need.
• Decide to take a stand.
• Assert your “self” when it is the right time.

Scripture Meditation

 
Mark 3:23-30

“If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand. If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand. And if Satan opposes himself and is divided, he cannot stand; his end has come.” (verses 24-26, NIV).

Jesus was speaking to the teachers of the law in response to their accusation that he had an evil spirit. His parable illustrates that it is self-destructive for any person, family, organization, or entity to be doing anything that undermines its own goals and good. You need to stand up for your “self” rather than being against your “self” by not taking a stand for what you believe, want, and need.