Dealing with urgency. Urgent means compelling or requiring immediate action or attention. It also means pressing. It is these two definitions that differentiate how we should deal with things in difficult relationships and our own lives that feel urgent.

Many things in our lives feel urgent because they are pressing, heavy, upsetting, overwhelming, and complicated. We are often fearful of the things that could happen. We often try to force decisions in complicated situations. We try to put a square peg into a round hole because we so desperately want something to work. And we are just plain reactive in our difficult relationships and feel uneasy when things are unresolved and unsettled so we want them fixed NOW.

My daughter wants to move back with her husband and daughter to the area I live in. I want them to live near me. Many decisions have to be made and many things done, as you can imagine, in order for this to work: jobs, housing, money, signing new leases, etc. Here is where we got into trouble: we both began reacting to this situation with urgency, as if all the decisions needed to be made right away. It felt pressing and we were trying desperately to make it work. As a result, we made some poor decisions including getting scammed by an illegitimate rental agency. We were acting as if this needed immediate action when it really just needed attention.

Some things really are urgent and require immediate action including life and death matters and things with deadlines. Others feel pressing but can be attended to but without the pressure that comes from them being truly urgent. Decision making involves a process. If you can’t really say “yes” to something then the answer is “no.” If something feels urgent but it isn’t, then you can slow down and make better decisions. You will be less likely to make mistakes and to try to force solutions that aren’t good in the long run.

It is also important to identify the root of the urgency and see if it is fear about what other people are or aren’t doing that is none of your business. If it is, it might be better to just let go and let other people take care of themselves. In this case, you need to attend to your feelings instead of doing something about the problem.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me distinguish between things that need to be attended to right away and things that feel pressing but don’t require immediate action. Also, give me the wisdom to know when I need to mind my own business.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

•  When something feels pressing or compelling, ask yourself if it really is urgent and requires immediate action or if it is just something that needs to be attended to in a timely manner.
• Ask yourself if it is really your responsibility to take care of the problem. If it isn’t, then let it go.

Scripture Meditation

 
Matthew 6:34

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own” (NIV).