Are you stuck in a rut in a relationship? Are you noticing that you are engaging in a repetitive cycle with someone, and you both predictably do the same things in response to each other? Are you wanting change but not sure what to do? Just try doing something different.

• If you find yourself constantly arguing, stop arguing.
• If you find yourself responding sarcastically, try biting your tongue.
• If you defend yourself and the argument escalates, stop defending yourself.
• If you are tired of listening to someone complain, change the subject or end the conversation.
• If you are tired of being taken advantage of, say no.
• If you are begging someone to pay attention to you, stop begging.
• If you are waiting for someone to initiate something in the relationship, stop waiting and do it yourself.
• If someone is pushing your buttons, stop letting them be pushed.
• If you never speak up to defend yourself, speak up.
• If you’re negative and pessimistic, act positive and hopeful, even if you don’t believe it.
• If you talk too much, say it in 10 words or less.
• If you want to do something and are waiting for the other person to do it with you, do it alone or with someone else.
• If you are trying too hard, stop trying.
• If you keep getting in the middle of someone else’s relationship, stay out.
• If someone isn’t listening to you, stop talking.

Do you get it? Whatever you do that keeps you playing the game the same way needs to change. Instead, do something different and often the best thing to do is the opposite of what you have been doing. When you make a move in a chess game, your opponent has to make the next move in response to yours. When your opponent knows your strategy well, it allows your moves to be easily predicted and responded to. You might be surprised to see how you changing your strategy changes the relationship game. Try it! It can only help.

And yes, relationships are like a game in that both people are trying to get what they want and need from the other person. The game gets even more complicated when you are dealing with people who are dysfunctional and difficult. If you take the emotion out of it (just for the sake of trying to figure out how to change your behavior), you can see alternatives that you can’t see when you are emotionally entangled. The saying, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results,” proves my point. Stop doing the same thing; instead, act sane by not doing what isn’t working and doing something different.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

God,

Help me see where I am doing the same thing over and over again in my relationships. Give me the awareness and self-control to do the opposite thing, or at least something different.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Analyze your relationships to identify patterns you would like to change.
• Identify your typical response.
• Do the opposite or something different.

Scripture Meditation

Galatians 5:1

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (NIV).

Paul pointed out to the Galatian church that they were willingly enslaving themselves by trying to observe the Law to gain salvation. He contrasts the Law, which keeps us in bondage, with the grace available through Christ, which sets us free. He reminds us that we can choose to live free through the Spirit by overcoming the sin nature, or we can step back into bondage by succumbing to it; our behavior will reflect the one we choose.

We need to step back to observe ourselves and our relationships to see where we are in bondage by our behavior. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can use the self-control available to us in our new nature to make choices that truly set us free.