People do what they do because that is who they are. Each of us is born with a temperament that determines our personality. Life then shapes that personality by either suppressing or enhancing certain aspects. Coping strategies emerge based on what people have experienced and survived. Current circumstances further shape who we are and contribute to our emotional, physical, spiritual, and relational states.

When people do things that hurt you, it feels personal and directed at you. Sometimes it is, but most often it isn’t. The most likely explanation is that they are just being the people that they are.

When people explain specific instances that feel very hurtful to them in their difficult relationships, I will often ask them to describe the offender to me. Is that person like this with most people? Is that person struggling with a heavy load right now? Is this person revengeful? Is this person angry, mean, sarcastic, cutting, rude, self-centered, aggressive, impatient, short-tempered, manipulative, distant, emotionally immature, conniving, or proud most of the time with you and other people? Then that is who he/she is.

Does that mean the person isn’t responsible for the behavior? No. Does that mean you can’t set boundaries and speak your truth to protect yourself? No. It means that you don’t get overly hurt, offended, upset, or reactive. When people show you who they are, keep it in mind when dealing with them. Don’t wonder what you did to provoke the behavior—you didn’t. Don’t wonder what you need to do so the person will be different—you don’t have that power. Don’t waste your time trying to figure out all this stuff that wastes your precious emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual energy.

Dogs bark; birds tweet; the sun comes up and down at the beginning and end of the day. People are who they are. If you don’t take personalities personal, you will be able to detach from what they do—because it isn’t about you—it’s about them.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me to not take personalities personal so I can detach from what people do and save my emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical energy to take care of the things I need to do to live my own life like I want.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

•  Don’t take personalities personal.

Scripture Meditation

 
John 2:24-25

“But Jesus would not entrust himself to them, for he knew all men. He did not need man’s testimony about man, for he knew what was in a man” (NIV).