Fear is an emotion that is linked to our survival instincts. We fear things that we think can threaten our well-being and our loved ones’ well-being and as a result, fear fuels dysfunction in our relationships. Fear makes us afraid to set boundaries, speak our truth, admit the truth, stop enabling, let go of the outcome, detach from the problems, and allow consequences.

Fear is a human emotion that works for our benefit by alerting us and preparing us for danger. Our senses become hyper-alert and our bodies are prepared to fight or flee. For some of us, we freeze and are unable to fight or flee. In relationships, these flight, fight, or freeze stances cause us to overreact or under-react to problems, situations, and conversations. It makes us force solutions, remain hyper-vigilent, fix, manipulate, control, cover-up wrongs, withdraw, deny, minimize, and obsess. And they make us afraid to open our hearts, after we have been hurt.

The alternative to reacting to fear in this way is to face the fear head on and deal with the issue underneath. It takes courage and an ability to face the truth about ourselves, the other person, and the relationship. And, it isn’t easy.

Here is the process you will need to go through:

• Identify your dysfunctional reaction.
• Identify the thing you are afraid of.
• Evaluate whether the fear is real, exaggerated, or imagined.
• Identify what you would do, if you weren’t afraid.

Then ask God for the courage to do it, while trusting him with the outcome.

It takes time to change your reaction, so be patient with yourself. You may also need support from others to help you identify what you are afraid of and to help you figure out how to choose a different response. But I can promise you that it is worth understanding the fear and how it affects your relationships, because without looking at how the fear is driving your dysfunctional behavior, it will most likely continue.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me get to the root of the fears that drive my dysfunctional reactions and trust you with the things I am afraid of. I need your wisdom and courage to face my fears and change my behavior.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Identify your dysfunctional reaction.
• Identify your fear.
• Evaluate whether the fear is real, exaggerated, or imagined.
• Identify what you would do, if you weren’t afraid.
• Then ask God for the courage to do it, while trusting him with the outcome.
• Get support from others, if this is too hard to do on your own.

Scripture Meditation

 
2 Timothy 1:7

“For God hath not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (KJV).

Philippians 4:7

“The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (NIV).