I was again reminded this morning in my exercise class at the gym that when I take my eyes off myself and put them on someone else, I lose my focus. You might be wondering why so much of my newsletter content focuses on YOU. After all, it is supposed to be about relationships, and relationships require another person. Yes, they do, and the most frustrating thing about relationships is that they involve another person with free will, who doesn’t have to do what we want him/her to do.

Back to my class—we take a few minutes to do balancing poses which are simple poses that shouldn’t be hard to maintain, but do require some body strength, coordination, and balance. The interesting thing is that it is easiest to balance when you find a focal point and keep your mind and eyes on the point. When you lose your focal point, it is harder to maintain your balance; and most interestingly, if you put your eyes onto another person who is wobbling or falling out of the pose, you are guaranteed to wobble and fall out of your pose yourself.

What does this have to do with relationships? Everything! If you keep your focus on yourself and what you need to do in your relationships and life, you will do pretty well. You can concentrate on living in a way that pleases God and follows your standards. You have integrity. You have peace. You have conviction. You have self-control. You have strength. You have a plan. But when you put your eyes onto someone else, you lose all that.

Let me give you some real-life examples:

• If you are helping elderly parents in a way that you believe God would have you help, but you have a sibling who isn’t doing what you believe his/her part is, what happens when you put your focus on what your sibling should be doing?
• If your spouse isn’t carrying out his/her responsibilities in the home and marriage, but you are, what happens when you focus on what your husband or wife should be doing?
• If your adult child is mistreating you by being rude or not doing his/her part in maintaining a respectful relationship with you, what happens when you focus on what your child should be doing?

When you compare your performance to that of your co-worker, what happens when you decide he/she should do more? The answer is that you get resentful, angry, petty, and jealous, and you question whether it is worth you doing your part because it isn’t “fair” that others don’t do theirs. You lower yourself to the other person’s standards.

No matter what other people do or do not do, you have to keep the focus on yourself and do what is right for you in your life and relationships. Live your life with integrity and take your eyes and mind off how others live theirs.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me focus on myself and live a life of integrity. When I am tempted to look at others and feel unhappy about how they live without doing their part in the relationship, remind me to get my focus back on myself right away.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Pay attention to the thoughts you have about what other people should be doing.
• Watch your emotions and guard yourself against jealousy, resentment, and anger.
• Put the focus back on yourself and feel good about living a life of integrity where your behavior matches your convictions.

Scripture Meditation

 
Psalm 73: A psalm of Asaph

Surely God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold. For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong. They are free from the burdens common to man; they are not plagued by human ills. Therefore pride is their necklace; they clothe themselves with violence. From their callous hearts comes iniquity ; the evil conceits of their minds know no limits. They scoff, and speak with malice; in their arrogance they threaten oppression. Their mouths lay claim to heaven, and their tongues take possession of the earth. Therefore their people turn to them and drink up waters in abundance. They say, “How can God know? Does the Most High have knowledge?” This is what the wicked are like– always carefree, they increase in wealth. Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence. All day long I have been plagued; I have been punished every morning. If I had said, “I will speak thus,” I would have betrayed your children. When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny. Surely you place them on slippery ground; you cast them down to ruin. How suddenly are they destroyed, completely swept away by terrors! As a dream when one awakes, so when you arise, O Lord, you will despise them as fantasies. When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you. Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds. (NIV)

David encountered this same situation. He observed that evil men didn’t necessarily struggle with trials. He began to question whether it was worth doing what was right when he wasn’t being rewarded in this life. God showed him that there is more to life than this world. There will be an accounting in eternity. Living right in this life isn’t guaranteed to make your path easier. In fact, righteousness is often more difficult to maintain than wickedness. Integrity has a cost. David concluded that it was worth doing what was right.