A relationship is between two people. When a third person enters into the relationship between two people, it is called “triangulation.” People usually triangulate when there is an unresolved conflict. One or both of the people will bring in a third person, or a third person will enter in on his/her own, because of discomfort over the problem between the two people. So what does this mean for your relationships?

It means you might find yourself getting into the middle of a relationship between two people by doing the following things:

• Taking up the cause of a person by going to the other person as his/her advocate.
• Speaking for someone rather than letting the person speak for himself or herself.
• Jumping into a conflict between two people to try to resolve it during the actual conflict.
• Coaching or telling someone what to say to someone else about a problem between him or her and another.
• Acting as a go-between between two people who cannot or will not talk on their own.
• Getting angry or upset with someone for something he/she is doing to someone else.
• Covering up for someone so that the other person doesn’t find out.
• Manipulating and controlling things to get a certain outcome in a relationship between two other people.

And in real life, this looks like you getting mad at your spouse for how a child was disciplined, you entering into an argument between your spouse and children, you calling your sister and then your mom because they don’t call each other, you talking to both your friends who are mad at each other, or you getting in the middle of your child’s parenting or marital problems.

There are times when someone is truly a victim and you have to intervene, but most of the time, triangulation is unhealthy and it causes more problems in the relationship between the two people, and for yourself.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

I want to have healthy relationships and I want to make healthy choices for myself. Give me insight so I can see where I am getting in the middle of other people’s relationships. Then give me the ability to change my behavior and stay out.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• If you are getting in the middle of a relationship because someone else is pulling you in, set boundaries to keep yourself from being drawn in.
• If you are getting in the middle because of your anxiety over someone else’s relationship, deal with your anxiety and stay out of the relationship.

Scripture Meditation

 
Ecclesiastes 4:12

“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple braided cord is not easily broken” (NLT).

Triangulation in a dysfunctional family system can be difficult to break. All three people have a vested interest in keeping the triangle intact.

Proverbs 26:17

“Like own who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own” (NIV).

Just like you’d be bitten by a dog for grabbing him by the ears, you will be impacted by getting into the middle of other people’s relationships.