Grace is defined as “the freely given and unmerited favor of God.” It is also defined as “mercy, clemency or pardon; goodwill.” Our relationship with God is grace-based. Our relationships with people need to be grace-based too.

We don’t really know the burdens others carry. We don’t really know what makes them act the way they do. We don’t really understand how an addict is imprisoned by an addiction unless we are addicts. We don’t know how difficult it is for a person to change unless we have the same experiences, limitations, and abilities. We only know what we ourselves have been given. We know our own limitations and abilities. We know why certain things are hard for us, and we know things that come easily. We can’t judge others based on what we have or don’t have; we can only judge them based on what they have or don’t have, or in other words, on what God has given them and allowed in their lives.

People in grace-based relationships remember their own frailty first. They recognize that each of us has different weaknesses, strengths, and trials. What is easy for you isn’t easy for someone else. What is hard for you isn’t necessarily hard for someone else. You first learn to offer yourself grace by understanding that you are an imperfect human being who will never be perfect because of sin. You don’t compare yourself to others, only to yourself. You remember that God’s freely given and unmerited favor has been given to you.

Secondly, people in grace-based relationships remember that other people have trials and weaknesses that are difficult for them. If you don’t have those same difficulties, be somberly happy remembering that it is by God’s grace that you don’t have them. Extend mercy, clemency, pardon, and goodwill to them generously. Don’t judge them mercilessly. Give them the benefit of the doubt by holding them to standards that are reasonable, given their circumstances, abilities, and weaknesses.

How do you do this and still have boundaries? The same way God does. He has standards of right, wrong, good, and bad. He allows us to suffer the consequences of our choices because he has created the law of reaping and sowing. He doesn’t condone sin or any behavior that harms ourselves or others. He has standards and he calls sin for what it is. Yet he does this by blanketing us in grace and not judging us mercilessly or expecting something from us that we cannot give.

It is because of his ability to understand us that we can bask in his unconditional love. If we understand others, we will be able to offer them mercy, clemency, pardon and goodwill when it is appropriate and not judge them mercilessly when we have to hold them accountable and set boundaries.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me offer myself grace with my struggles. Help me offer others grace in their struggles by remembering: “There but the grace of God go I.” I cannot truly understand why things are hard for someone else; I can only realize why they are hard for me.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Think of someone that you have difficulty offering grace to. What struggles does that person have that you don’t have?
• How can you offer that person grace and still have boundaries?

Scripture Meditation

 
Galatians 6:1-5

“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load.”

Matthew 5:7

“Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.”