Do you often feel guilty about things you do or don’t do in your relationships? Then you most likely are suffering from false guilt. False guilt tells you that you are doing something wrong when you aren’t. True guilt tells you that you are doing something wrong when you are.

Here are some reasons you may feel false guilt in your relationships:

• You feel overly responsible for other people and, as a result, feel guilty when others don’t do what they are supposed to do and suffer the consequences.
• You believe that you should be able to take care of people close to you and prevent them from experiencing pain.
• You believe you have the answers to how others should live, and when you aren’t listened to, you believe you should have tried harder.
• You are easily manipulated by people who use guilt to get what they want. Dysfunctional people are skilled at identifying a person’s weak points and using them to emotionally blackmail the person to meet their demands by making them feel guilty for not complying.
• You believe God wants you to sacrifice for others and feel guilty when you say no, especially when the other person isn’t happy with you. The guilt originates from confusion over whether or not it is okay to say no and take care of yourself. The guilt can be so uncomfortable that you would rather do what you don’t want to do than feel it.
• You believe God expects you to help others. This belief drives you and gives you a sense of urgency when dealing with people because you feel responsible for their response to you.

If you hold any of these beliefs, you will experience false guilt because you will feel responsible for things that you are not responsible for. Each person is responsible for themselves. You are responsible for your actions toward others, but not for their response to you. God will not hold you responsible for other people’s choices. And remember, if someone is emotionally manipulating you, you need to recognize how they use guilt to control you and refuse to be controlled.

When you refuse to let false guilt control your actions and reactions, changing your choices to match what you know is right, you will probably still feel the false guilt for awhile. Expect it and keep doing the right thing anyway. Eventually, the false guilt will leave and be replaced with a quiet confidence.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me discern between false guilt and true guilt. Help me do what is right even if I continue to feel false guilt.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Identify relationships that cause you to feel a lot of guilt.
• Identify whether it is caused by any of the reasons that are listed.
• Decide what is the right thing for you to do even if you feel the false guilt and do it.

Scripture Meditation

 
1 John 3:18-22

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him (NIV).