Christians focus a lot on love. We are to love like God’s agape love (1 Corinthians 13); love others as ourselves (Matthew 22:39); lay down our lives like Jesus did for us (John 15:13) and love our enemies (Matthew 5:44).

Along with these mandates, there is much confusion over what it means to love especially in our difficult relationships. Let’s focus just on 1 Corinthians 13, God’s perfect love and look at what it really means.

Love is patient. Does that mean you are never frustrated or upset? No. God reaches a point where His patience is exhausted…it just takes a long time to get there.

Love is kind. Does this mean you are a doormat? Does kindness equal tolerance? No. God’s nature is kind and compassionate, but He has boundaries and limits.

Love does not envy. Does this mean you wouldn’t be jealous if your spouse is unfaithful? No. God’s jealousy makes him desire faithfulness from Israel and the church. It means you want good things for other people even if you don’t have them.

Love does not boast. Does this mean you can’t ever say what you’ve done well in case someone might feel bad? No. You can be honest without feeling superior; you just shouldn’t use it in a way to purposefully lift yourself above others to make them feel bad.

Love is not proud. Does this mean you have to admit wrong when you are not wrong? No. God wants truth. It means that you are willing to admit your wrongs and take the first step to mend a broken relationship regardless of who is at fault.

Love is not rude. Does this mean you can’t say things that upset or hurt people? No. Jesus was very straightforward and many were offended by His words. Do your best to speak your truth in love (not rudely and meanly) even if it hurts or offends.

Love is not self-seeking. Does this mean you can never put yourself above others? No. It means you should take the other person into consideration and care about both in a healthy way.

Love is not easily angered. Does this mean you can never get angry? No. Righteous indignation over things that are sinful is good—even if it is a wrong done to you.

Love keeps no record of wrongs. Does this mean you can’t pay attention to how many times someone hurts you so you can make wise choices? No. You have to pay attention to patterns in relationships to make wise choices. You just shouldn’t keep a record for the purpose of getting revenge.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Does this mean you ignore the evil and only focus on what is good? No. It means that you take a stand for what is right and good and not allow evil to continue.

Love always protects. Does this mean love enables people by protecting them from the consequences of their bad choices? No. God allows people to reap the consequences of their choices. Love protects what is good.

Love always trusts. Does this mean you trust someone who has repeatedly betrayed you or broken promises? No. Repentance has to be backed up with a change in behavior. It is foolish to trust an untrustworthy person and good to trust a trustworthy one.

Love always hopes. Does this mean you live in a constant state of denial, believing that everything will be okay when it clearly isn’t? No. God always holds out for good and longs for His children to return; but in the meantime, He deals with the things that aren’t right.

Love always perseveres. Does this mean you are stuck in a bad relationship forever no matter what is done to you? No. You need to persevere for righteousness in the relationship and not persevere by endlessly tolerating unacceptable behavior.

Love never fails. Does this mean you can’t walk away from an unhealthy person? No. You can still care about people and want what is best for them without being in a relationship with them. God does it with those still in sin, including Israel.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me to love like you love in all my relationships—especially the difficult ones.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Apply God’s agape love correctly to your relationships.

Scripture Meditation

 
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (NIV).