Scripture has a plan for us to confront those who have harmed us and those who are in repeated sin in their own lives. In order to confront a person, you need to have a relationship with them—one that gives you the right to comment on their behavior or the hurt they have caused you.

First, go to the person on your own. Tell them what is on your mind, just between the two of you. This gives the person a chance to address your issues without anyone else knowing about them. It offers the opportunity for quick resolution and obviously has no risk of embarrassing the person by bringing in an outsider.

If the person won’t acknowledge the problem and is stubborn, you can choose to bring in another person or persons to help you reach an agreement. This should be someone who either knows both of you or is an outsider, such as a counselor, fellow employee, boss, or church member. They must be impartial and loving if you want the person to listen.

If there is still no resolution after giving it some time, and the issue still needs to be addressed, you have the option of going to another level. This can mean a church body or group such as the board of elders. It can also mean the legal system, an appeals board, human resources, government agency, or any other place that will hear your concerns. If the person still doesn’t listen to you, follow through with any necessary consequences, including termination of the relationship.

Obviously, it is best if you can resolve the matter between the two of you, but that is not always the case. It is important to think about the ramifications that may occur at each level of confrontation and count the cost. Check your motives and make sure they are right. You need to confront when it is something important, something that harms the relationship, you, or another person, and something the person needs to be accountable for. Pick people to go to who will be fair so they can judge rightly and so the person you are confronting will respect what they say. And it is always your choice either to take the matter to the next level or drop it.

By Karla Downing
 

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me to confront using the Matthew 18 principle. Help me to use wisdom in how, when, and what to confront and who to bring with me.
 

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• How can you apply the Matthew 18 principle to a relationship conflict you currently have?

Scripture Meditation

 
Matthew 18:15-17

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector” (NIV).