As Christians, we know we are commanded to forgive; yet we don’t always know what it really means to forgive. Here are some common misconceptions about forgiveness:

If you forgive the wrong, you will also forget the wrong. You can’t forget. God made your brain to encode memories. You cannot control when you remember something that happened to you. The only thing you can control is what you do with the memory.

If someone wrongs you, you have to forgive immediately. This might work for petty irritations, but it is actually not healthy with the big things. Before you can truly forgive, you have to know what was done to you and how it has affected you. Once you feel the emotions and process all the implications, you can then forgive.

If you offer to forgive, you should also be willing to offer trust. You do not have to offer trust to someone when you forgive. Trust actually shouldn’t be offered to someone who is untrustworthy. Trust needs to be regained over time with consistent trustworthy behaviors.

If you forgive, you also have to offer grace without consequences. God forgives us, but he also allows us to reap what we have sown. You can forgive someone while allowing them to be accountable legally, financially, personally, and relationally. If you don’t, you might be enabling.

If you forgive, you can’t set boundaries to protect yourself. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you can’t set up protections; in fact, if the person is a repeat offender and you don’t set boundaries, you will ensure that you will have something else to forgive.

If you forgive, it means the person didn’t do anything wrong in the first place. The opposite is true: if you have something to forgive, it is because somebody wronged you. Forgiving doesn’t wipe out the act; it only lets go of your bitterness, resentment, hatred, and revenge.

Correcting these misconceptions will help you make a choice to forgive by understanding what you are actually doing.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me know the truth about forgiveness so that when I offer it, it is sincere and healthy.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Identify the misconceptions you have about forgiveness.
• How have those misconceptions affected the way you handle forgiveness?

Scripture Meditation

 
Ephesians 4:31-32

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (NIV).