Relationships are complicated. There are many decisions that need to be made about what to do and what not to do. People often ask me for the “right” thing to do in situations that have many unique variables. My answer is the following:

“Unless it is a black and white action specifically prohibited by God, such as adultery, there is probably no answer that is a one-size-fits-all answer. What is right for you may not be right for someone else. Check your motives to figure out the right action for you.”

A good motive can make an action right and a bad motive can make the same action wrong. Motives go beneath the surface, because they come from your heart. Helping someone could be right or wrong, depending on the situation. Saying no to a request could be right or wrong, depending on your reason for saying no. Saying yes could also be right or wrong.

Here are some right motives:

• To please or obey God.
• To let people be responsible for their responsibilities.
• To make a stand against sin.
• To take care of yourself.
• To speak the truth in love.
• To give because you choose to.
• To set a boundary that is in your best interest or the best interest of another person.
• To protect yourself and others.
• To be true to your values and beliefs.
• To show someone you care.

Here are some wrong motives:

• To give in to fear.
• To punish or get even.
• To make someone hurt because they hurt you.
• To do for others what they should do for themselves.
• To enable sin or wrongdoing.
• To people please.
• To manipulate or control, directly or indirectly.
• To give out of compulsion.
• To rescue someone by not allowing them to bear the consequences of their actions.
• To avoid taking responsibility for your responsibilities.
• To avoid dealing with the consequences of your own choices.
• To avoid speaking the truth.

As you can see, motives matter. By identifying your motive, you will be able to see if what you want to do is what you should do.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me know my motives. Help me choose the right thing to do from the right motives.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Pay attention to why you are doing what you are doing.
• Choose actions that come from right motives.

Scripture Meditation

 
1 Chronicles 28:9

“And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts” (NIV).

Matthew 6:1

“Be careful not to do your ‘acts of righteousness’ before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven” (NIV).

Jesus was telling them that God looked at the motive behind the action to decide whether it was right or not.