Difficult people do a lot of things you don’t like, so, of course, you desperately want them to change. It is good for them, good for you, and good for the relationship. You probably have tried all kinds of things: praying, wishing, nagging, threatening, lecturing, arguing, punishing, controlling, and manipulating. None of them have worked, and you probably find that your life is out of control as a result.

You are completely powerless over other people. It is scary to admit that and freeing at the same time. What does it mean to embrace powerlessness? Here are some examples of powerlessness in action:

• A mother recognizes she cannot make her adult son get a job. She stops nagging him and instead allows him to run out of money and refuses to help when he asks for it.
• A father realizes he cannot make his son admit he has a drinking problem, so he stops arguing with him and pointing out how much he drinks. When he gets arrested for driving under the influence, he doesn’t bail him out.
• A daughter realizes she cannot make her narcissistic mother listen to her or care about what bothers her. She stops getting upset with her mom and instead limits the amount of time she spends with her.
• A husband stops hovering around his wife, trying to make everything perfect so she won’t be depressed. Instead, he recognizes he has to live his life and let her discover she needs help.

This is powerlessness in action. You are completely powerless over other people. You cannot make them do what you want them to, no matter how much you care, no matter how much you want it, no matter how much sense it makes. People have to figure things out for themselves. And they won’t do it until it makes sense to them and they are ready.

When you try to force change, you waste your energy. The attempts to change other people often make you a part of the problem. When you are a part of the problem, it is more difficult to detach, set boundaries, and assign appropriate responsibility.

By Karla Downing
 

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me to let go of my futile attempts to make other people do what I think they should do. Help me instead to focus on changing myself.
 

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• What are you trying to exert power over?
• Admit your powerlessness and let go.

Scripture Meditation

 
Luke 18:18-23

A certain ruler asked him, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” “Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘You shall not commit adultery, you shall not murder, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, honor your father and mother.’” “All these I have kept since I was a boy,” he said. When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” When he heard this, he became very sad, because he was very wealthy (NIV).

Jesus was willing to let the man walk away. He gave him the dignity to choose. He didn’t run after him, beg him, threaten him, force him, negotiate with him, or lecture him. He simply let him go.