Detachment is a powerful and life changing concept. “Detachment” is the opposite of attachment. Its purpose is to allow you to live your life and other people to live their lives. It reminds you that you are separate from another person no matter how close you are, and that you don’t have to take on the person’s “stuff.”

So what does detachment look like in your relationships? Here are some things you can detach from:

Anger – When someone is angry with you, it is easy to assume you have done something wrong to cause it, to react angrily in defense, or to become fearful and accommodating to defuse the anger. Detaching from anger means that you don’t take responsibility for it, you don’t adjust your behavior out of fear, and you walk away from the anger rather than react to it or engage with it.

Moods – When someone is in a mood (depressed, pouting, argumentative, irritable, anxious, or miserable), it is easy to take on the person’s mood or to try to get the person out of the mood. You don’t cause people to be moody and it isn’t your responsibility to get anyone out of a mood. You can recognize the mood and detach from it by not taking on the person’s feelings, by not tolerating inappropriate treatment, and not taking responsibility to fix it. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself which might even be physically getting away to detach.

Threats – Difficult people make threats with the purpose of controlling your behavior. When someone threatens you, it drags you into the drama by making you stop what you are doing to prevent the threat from happening. If it is something that will happen, you should do what you need to do to protect yourself. However, if it is a false threat that the person is making to control you, detach from the threat and act as if you never heard it.

Blame – People blame other people for their own decisions, actions, and behavior because they do not want to be responsible for themselves. They want someone else to take responsibility for the problem’s origin and solution. They want to keep you busy arguing with them about whose fault it is so that the real problem isn’t addressed. You need to recognize that you don’t have to accept anyone’s blame for things that aren’t your responsibility. Detach from it by not accepting it, not arguing about it, and acting in a way that forces the other person to deal with the problem.

Detachment is powerful when put into action because it enables you to resist the tactics that difficult people use to get you attached and hooked into reacting to them.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me to detach from the anger, moods, threats, and blame of other people so I can focus on living my life like I want and need to live it.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Think about your difficult relationship. How does this person use anger, blame, moods, and threats to draw you into his/her drama?
• What usually works to draw you in, and how do you respond?
• What would it actually look like if you were to detach instead? What would you be doing, thinking, and feeling?
• Purpose to detach next time the person is angry, blaming, moody, or threatening.

Scripture Meditation

 
Proverbs 26:4

“Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself” (NIV).

When you detach, you refuse to get drawn in, and rather than becoming like the person wants you to be, you maintain who you want to be.