No relationship is perfect. All of them have moments where there is tension, disagreement, distance, hurt, and misunderstanding. Some have more than others, of course, but chronically difficult and dysfunctional relationships don’t do things to repair the breach; healthy relationships do.

A “reparative move” is anything a person does to attempt to bring the relationship back to a place of connection and healing. This type of move signals to the other person that the relationship matters and is worth repairing. While it might not fix the problem, it moves toward fixing it.

Here are some reparative moves:

Humor. Using humor to bring in a lightness and ease that counters the negative tension. The humor can be about the problem or something else.

Apologizing. Admitting your part in the problem allows the other person to forgive you more easily as well as feel safe to admit his/her own part.

Reconnecting. Reaching out to initiate conversation, even though it might not be about the problem, tells the person you still care and that even though you might be upset, things will return to normal.

Kindness. Offering a gesture of kindness by doing something nice for the person sends the message that he/she has value to you and that you have positive feelings even though you are upset.

Touch. Giving a hug, holding someone’s hand, offering a kiss, or using any touch that is gentle is sending the message that you still care.

In dysfunctional relationships, people don’t do these things. Instead, they are angry, punitive, stubborn, proud, resistant, attacking, resentful, defensive, blaming, and withdrawn. When you don’t make reparative moves, after a while you become distant, disconnected, hurt, and bitter.
God reaches out to us even when we aren’t faithful. Even when we are lost, He is seeking to find us and draw us back toward him. Make the decision to do your part in your relationships by being willing to make reparative moves.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,
Help me to make reparative moves in my relationships so they will be healthier and I will be doing my part to bring health.
 

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Do you make reparative moves in your relationships?
• Are there relationships that you don’t make them?
• Purpose to make reparative moves in all your relationships.

Scripture Meditation

 
Romans 12:18

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (NIV).

Matthew 5:23

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift” (NIV).