The Twelve Step recovery program, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), has helped millions worldwide who suffer from alcoholism. Step Three says, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” The founders of AA, Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith, understood that self-will stands in the way of our full surrender to God. They also understood that self-will often manifests by trying to exert one’s will onto others. Here is how they explained it:

Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If only his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. (The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, page 60-61, Third Edition, 1976)

This passage goes on to explain that when people don’t cooperate or meet one’s expectations, this individual will exert his will that much more. And when he doesn’t see his “actors” taking their cues, he becomes angry, indignant, resentful, self-pitying, and blaming. This self-centeredness interferes with his ability to stay sober.

We are all capable of becoming this way when others don’t do what we want. In order to stop this harmful behavior, we need to seek God and practice self-control and self-discipline. Self-will can be good when it’s directed toward controlling our own choices. But when we want others to do what we want, our self-will runs riot and causes harm to our relationships with God, others, and ourselves. We cannot make life or other people do as we wish. We have no control over others or events. In short, life on life’s terms happens, whether we want it to or not.

When things happen that we don’t like, or when people don’t do what we want them to do, we need to let go of our self-will. We also need to recognize that we don’t have the power to make life conform to our wishes. We must realize that we don’t run the show, but God does. Our own choices are all we can control. When we push others to follow our agenda, we get off track.

God’s will is often different than ours. We don’t see the whole play, the next act, and especially not the final act. When things don’t go our way, our first response needs to be to let go by surrendering our will to God rather than try to force our solutions and plans onto those around us.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

“I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!” (The Third Step Prayer of Alcoholics Anonymous)

Relationship Devotional Challenge

•  Turn your will and your life over to the care of God.

Scripture Meditation

 
James 4:13-17

“Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.’ As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them” (NIV).