Do the words “victim” and “yourself” seem incompatible in the same sentence? They might at first glance, but they really do belong together. The definition of a victim is “a person who suffers from a destructive or injurious action.” Can you victimize yourself? Yes! You can and do engage in destructive actions that injure yourself.

What are some of these destructive actions that most of us engage in?

• Allowing you to be mistreated repeatedly by unhealthy people.
• Expecting too much of yourself.
• Beating yourself up for being human and making mistakes.
• Having unreasonable expectations and then feeling upset, disappointed, and angry when they aren’t met.
• Refusing to use your power to say no.
• Invalidating yourself by not believing what you need, feel, and perceive.
• Doing things you know are unhealthy for you physically, emotionally, mentally, relationally, and spiritually and continuing to do them— even though you know you shouldn’t.
• Engaging in futile attempts to force difficult people to change that make you feel crazy and unhealthy in the process.
• Allowing others to make choices for you that you should make for yourself.
• Staying in denial when you need to face the truth.
• Saying no to the good things life offers you because you feel afraid or unworthy.
• Putting your life on hold until someone else changes or gives you permission to do what you want to do.
• Expecting people who cannot love to give you approval and feeling bad about yourself because they can’t.

These are only some of the things we do that hurt ourselves. Embracing the truth that you victimize yourself should encourage you to take an inventory of how you treat yourself. Recognize that you have a relationship with yourself. Try to view yourself as a separate person. How are you treating YOU? Would you treat others like you treat yourself? Would you counsel your daughter, son, sister, brother, mother, father, husband, wife, and friend to treat them the way you treat yourself? If not, begin to treat yourself differently.      You don’t have to be a victim of other people or yourself. Stop victimizing yourself today!

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Give me the ability to recognize how I am injuring myself through destructive action and inaction. Then give me the ability to stop victimizing myself and treat myself in a way that nurtures and builds me up so I can be all you have created me to be.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Go through the list of ways we victimize ourselves.
• Identify two areas you need to change.
• Make changes in each of those areas.
• Keep this truth alive in your heart and mind.
• Continue to work on not victimizing yourself.

Scripture Meditation

 
Esther 1:10-12

“On the seventh day, when King Xerxes was in high spirits from wine, he commanded the seven eunuchs who served him–Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar and Carcas– to bring before him Queen Vashti, wearing her royal crown, in order to display her beauty to the people and nobles, for she was lovely to look at. But when the attendants delivered the king’s command, Queen Vashti refused to come. Then the king became furious and burned with anger” (NIV).

Queen Vashti refused to demean herself in front of King Xerxes’ banquet attendees. When the King was drunk after seven days of partying, he sent his eunuchs to get the Queen, specifically asking that she come wearing her royal crown to display her beauty. In those days, it was common for Persian royal women to stay out of the gaze of the public. They rode in closed carriages when out. Having the Queen parade herself at the banquet for the sole purpose of having her display her beauty to the gawkers would be beneath her dignity. Queen Vashti was being victimized by her husband, but she refused to victimize herself. She courageously used her power to say no to protect herself even though there were consequences: she was no longer the Queen, but she had her dignity. It takes courage and strength to refuse to victimize yourself but it is the right thing to do.