Here’s an example of a woman who is taking it all on. I got this email from a woman who made a difficult decision to end a relationship:

I let him know in the nicest way possible that it wasn’t working out for me and I needed to end the relationship. Now, he refuses to talk to me. I feel guilty and think I should have handled it a different way. I was hoping we could be friends. Did I do something wrong?

Here was my response:

He had the option of understanding, discussing, clarifying, apologizing, and explaining. He could have asked for a chance to address the problems and promised to work on himself. He did none of that. You are taking all of the responsibility. Remember, he has a part in the relationship too—in the problems, its ending, and continuing as friends. When he walks away without a word, he is communicating to you that he isn’t willing to change or compromise at all. Try to remember that.

She responded by telling me that she would have done anything in the world to end the relationship with mutual understanding and goodwill.

When you assume all of the responsibility in a relationship, you are carrying a load that isn’t yours to carry. Here are some important clarifications:

• You are not the only one to blame when things go wrong; the other person carries part of the blame.
• You are not solely responsible for making yourself understood; the other person has to want to understand.
• You are not able to have a healthy relationship on your own; the other person has to do things that are healthy too.
• You are not right in assuming that the other person has the same willingness as you to make adjustments; the other person may not be willing to make any adjustments at all.

Keeping these things in mind will keep you from taking it all on. You can’t have a real relationship when you are the only one doing the work.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me to accept responsibility for doing my part in my relationships. Help me to give the other people responsibility for doing their part.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Give the other people in your life the responsibility for doing their part in their relationships with you.

Scripture Meditation

 
Galatians 6:5

“For each one should carry his own load” (NIV).

Romans 14:12

“So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God” (NIV).