Communication in any relationship presents challenges. People see things differently because they are presenting their side of the issue in an attempt to protect their own interests. It requires wisdom to present your case in a way that increases the likelihood that the listener won’t get defensive. While communication in a healthy relationship is challenging, communication in a dysfunctional relationship is maddening, frustrating, and sometimes impossible.

Dysfunctional people don’t want to hear or deal with your truth. They do everything they can to avoid looking at themselves to take responsibility for their part in the problems. (Although, all of us have trouble listening to truth from others at times including our children.) One of the tactics people use to avoid listening to truth is diversion.

They divert the conversation away from your points by:

• Changing subjects.
• Bringing up the past.
• Blaming you for their actions.
• Focusing on how you are hurting them by bringing it up.
• Focusing on how you are communicating (yelling, intense, mean).
• Accusing you of something else.
• Ridiculing you and making fun of your truth.
• Denying your truth by telling you it didn’t happen.
• Labeling you as a whiner, nag, jerk, baby or other names.

All of these tactics throw you off because you then defend yourself against whatever the diversion is and the topic that you brought up isn’t talked about. Your issue isn’t front and center anymore. When you are dealing with diversion, don’t respond to the diversion. Instead, restate your truth as many times as you need to. You can’t make the person respond to your truth but at least you won’t get hooked by the diversion and waste emotional energy. You will be able to walk away with a clear understanding of why your truth wasn’t dealt with and you will have avoided participating in a futile argument whose purpose was to get you off track.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Give me wisdom to present my truth in a non-defensive way. Help me recognize when the other person is avoiding dealing with my truth by using the diversion tactic so I won’t get caught up in useless arguments and lose sight of my truth.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Recognize when someone is using the diversion tactic with your truth and refuse to be diverted.
• Recognize when you use the diversion tactic to deal with someone’s truth you don’t want to deal with.

Scripture Meditation

 
Proverbs 15:5

“A fool finds pleasure in evil conduct, but a man of understanding delights in wisdom” (NIV).

Scriptures in Proverbs use the word “fool” to describe anyone who doesn’t want to hear truth or make corrections.

Proverbs 20:3

“It is a man’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel” (NIV).

People who don’t want to hear your truth will stir up strife by arguing with you to prevent dealing with it. Be wiser than them and avoid needless strife.