It isn’t comfortable to be in the dark about what is going to happen next, to not understand why someone did what they did, to be lied to by someone you should be able to trust, or to have someone do “it” again. These are the kinds of things that that create a “need to know.” When we feel insecure or anxious about something in a relationship, we try to calm the anxiety by getting information.

This wouldn’t be a problem if getting the information was as simple as just asking, but it isn’t. People don’t always want to tell us why they do what they do, and sometimes they don’t even know themselves. People who don’t want to be responsible for their choices, or don’t want us to know what they are doing, lie and lie again to us—even when they promise they won’t. People who engage in unhealthy or destructive behavior continue to do the same types of things until they are ready to change—even when they say they will be different.

The need to know can drive us to do all kinds of things out of desperation, especially when it comes from a place of panic that feels urgent. It leads us to search for information, to demand answers, to play detective, and to be hyper-vigilant. It can make us crazy, obsessed, exhausted, angry, restless, sleepless, and distracted.

So while we can understand why we need to know certain things in relationships, we also have to come to terms with the fact that we might not get the answers when and how we want them. So how do you deal with this dilemma? Here are some tips you can use to handle your need to know:

• Acknowledge what you want to know and why you want to know it.
• Decide if it is in your best interest to pursue getting the information. You have a right to ask someone whatever you want, and you can search for information, but it is important to first assess if it is in your best interest. Reasons to pursue: You need to know to protect yourself, make a decision, or verify your suspicions. Reasons not to pursue: You already know what is going on, or pursuing it will be stressful, unhealthy, dangerous, destructive, unnecessarily hurtful, or unproductive.
• Decide what you are willing to do and not to do in order to try to find out what you want to know. If you have decided it is in your best interest, then do it.
• Turn the whole situation over to God. Ask him to show you what you need to know when you need to know it. He will guide you and lead you into truth. What you really need to know will come to you in his perfect timing. You can rest in that knowledge.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me understand what is driving my need to know certain things in my relationships. Help me assess if it is in my best interest to pursue what I want to know. But mostly help me trust you to lead me into truth and show me what I need to know when I need to know it.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Identify what you “need to know” about someone you have a relationship with.
• Decide if it is in your best interest to pursue it.
• Decide what you will and will not do.
• Turn it over to God.

Scripture Meditation

 
John 16:13

“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come” (NIV).

Psalm 4

“Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer. How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame? How long will you love delusions and seek false gods? Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD will hear when I call to him. In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Offer right sacrifices and trust in the LORD. Many are asking, ‘Who can show us any good?’ Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD. You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound. I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety” (NIV).

God will be faithful to you in your relationship troubles. He will provide you with what you need to know in the right time.