What is your definition of peace? Is it the absence of conflict? Is it a feeling of calm and quiet? “Peace” means a number of things: a cessation of war; freedom from war; a state of harmony; freedom from dissension; and a state of tranquility. So what is peace in a difficult relationship?

If your idea of peace is to keep quiet and not bring up issues so that you don’t rock the boat, then you are accepting peace at the cost of not being true to yourself. If you have to sell your soul to keep the peace, then it probably isn’t worth it. If it is a state in which there is a cessation of open hostilities, then peace is superficial.

If it is the working out of hostilities to enter a state of harmony, then peace comes with a price because you first have to go to war. However, you would be wise not to start a war in a difficult relationship if you aren’t prepared to stay in the fight for the long haul.

Reconciliation means that you have worked out the issues and have come to terms with the other person. Reconciliation is a good goal; however, you won’t be able to reconcile with someone who isn’t willing. In cases where it will do absolutely no good to bring up the issues, and it will only result in more problems for you, then it might not be worth it. You have to evaluate the cost and make a wise decision.

The absence of conflict isn’t peace if there are still unresolved issues and hostile feelings. This type of peace is deceptive. The issues lie dormant and can be reignited at any time. This is the cyclical nature of difficult relationships. Since there are so many unresolved issues with so much anxiety and negative emotion involved, it is certain that the issues will reappear.

So when deciding whether or not to go to war, answer these questions:

• What are you losing by not fighting for your cause?
• What can you gain by fighting for your cause?
• Are you prepared to fight the battles it will take to win the war, or will you surrender when it is difficult?

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me to be willing to do battle for the things I need to fight for to get real peace. Give me wisdom to know when the cost is too high and I need to keep a superficial peace.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• What price are you paying for peace? Is it worth it?

Scripture Meditation

 
Romans 12:18

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (NIV).