We desire intimacy because we were created to know and be known by God and each other. Adam and Eve were not ashamed of their nakedness spiritually, emotionally, and physically—before they sinned. After they sinned, there was contention, division, self-consciousness, and a struggle for intimacy.

Because of sin, all of us have problems with intimacy, but those of us from dysfunctional homes have even more. What does intimacy really mean? “Intimacy” means “to see into me.” It involves the willingness to be vulnerable and allow another person to see the truth about you: the good, the bad, and the ugly. It also involves sharing your dreams and your heart and risking that someone will support you rather than laugh at you. Intimacy is an emotional and spiritual connection that isn’t limited to sexual partners. All relationships have varying degrees of intimacy.

Dysfunction affects our ability to be intimate because of past hurts and unhealed wounds by sinful imperfect people. Here are some of the fears that prevent us from dropping our guard and allowing ourselves to become intimately connected with another person:

• Fear of being abandoned. You may fear being abandoned emotionally and physically once you allow yourself to be connected to someone and admit that you need the person.   
• Fear of being known. You may fear being vulnerable because someone will take advantage of you showing your weaknesses and doubts, especially if someone has done this in the past.
• Fear of being taken advantage of. If you have had someone lie to you or take advantage of you in the past, you will be afraid of it happening again.
• Fear of being found out. If you pretend to be someone you aren’t, you may fear being found out if you get too close.
• Fear of being rejected. Once you admit you want and need another person, you become vulnerable because if there is a rejection, it will be much more personal.

There is a natural struggle for intimacy in all your relationships. It is important that you identify your fears and how each one affects your ability to let people get close. If you let the fears keep you from risking intimacy, you will not be able to enjoy the blessings of having intimate connected relationships.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me to identify the fears that keep me from entering into intimate relationships with the people you have placed in my life.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Assess your current relationships. Are any of these fears keeping you from achieving intimacy?
• What would you be doing differently, if you weren’t struggling with intimacy?
• Would it be wise for you to take some steps toward intimacy with this person or is there a legitimate reason not to (for instance, the person really isn’t safe)?

Scripture Meditation

 
Genesis 2:25

“The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame” (NIV).

Genesis 3:7-11

“Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’ He answered, ‘I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.’ And he said, ‘Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?’” (NIV)