When you want something for someone else more than they want it for themselves, you will compromise yourself. Often in our difficult relationships, we see what other people need to do to fix their lives or to fix our relationships with them.

We care about these people and want what is best for them; we also care about the relationship and want what is best for it and us. We may want them to take care of themselves, get help for an addiction, act responsibly, admit the truth about themselves, and/or change destructive behavior. None of this is wrong or bad.

The problem is that they don’t see it, don’t want it, and aren’t willing to do it. Rather than accepting other people’s right to live their own lives and backing off, we try harder to get them to want what we want for them and as a result, hurt ourselves by doing the following things:

• We live contrary to our values.
• We adjust our boundaries.
• We do too much and give too much.
• We stop living our own lives.
• We refuse to accept reality.
• We enable behavior we know is wrong.
• We do for others what they should do for themselves.
• We stay frustrated and unhappy.

It is hard to let go of what you believe is right for someone else, but you have to. When you push others hard, they stop pushing themselves. By doing too much, you make it easier for them to do less. When you want it more than they do, it doesn’t work because it becomes unhealthy; instead, take care of yourself and do what you know is right for you while letting other people take care of themselves.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me live true to my values and do what is right for me. Help me want what is best for others, but step back and allow them to get it for themselves in their own way and time.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Identify something that you want more than the other person.
• Identify what you are doing to try to get that person to do what you think is
  right.
• Identify what you need to change about your behavior.

Scripture Meditation

 
Galatians 6:4

“Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load” (NIV).

Ephesians 5:15

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity” (NIV).