Who are you? Mary or Martha? Mark or Matthew? Allow me to add two brothers into a well-known Bible story to illustrate a truth about our relationship patterns that will apply to both men and women.

In Luke 10:38-42, Jesus and his disciples were guests in the home of two sisters, Mary and Martha. In our contemporary version, there were also two brothers, Mark and Matthew. Mary and Mark sat at Jesus’ feet enjoying his company while Martha and Matthew worked to make all the preparations to take care of the guests. When Martha and Matthew complained, Jesus responded by saying, “You two are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is really important right now. Mary and Mark have chosen what is better and I won’t take that away from them.”

Mary and Mark enjoyed their relationships. They could give and receive freely without being compulsively focused on taking care of people. There would obviously be a time that the work would need to be done to feed and care for the guests, but from Jesus’ answer, it was apparent that Martha and Matthew could only focus on the things they “had to do,” while Mary and Mark were able to let them go. Answer these questions to figure out if you are a Mary or Mark or Martha or Matthew in your relationships:

• Do you take care of people more than you enjoy your relationship with them?
• Are you focused on fixing people and solving their problems?
• Do you ignore your own needs in your close relationships by putting others’ needs before yours?
• Do you find yourself resentful toward others because you do so much for them?
• Are you burned out and tired from over-giving?

If you answered yes to these questions, you are a Martha or Matthew. Jesus’ admonition to you is to step back and let others take care of themselves and begin to focus on your own needs. Stop being so worried about fixing everything and everyone. If you answered no to these questions, then you might be a Mary or Mark.

• Do you enjoy your relationships?
• Are you able to care for people while allowing them to take care of themselves and their problems?
• Do you take care of your own needs while also caring for others in a balanced way?
• Do you take responsibility for your choices without feeling resentful toward others?
• Are you rested and rejuvenated by your choices?

If you answered yes to these questions, you are a Mary or Mark. Jesus’ admonition to you is to continue caring for yourself while caring for others. You understand the need to enjoy your relationships while balancing your own needs.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me to balance caring for myself while caring for others. Help me to recognize what is the most important thing to do at any given moment.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

•  Are you a Mary or Mark, or a Martha or Matthew?
• What needs to change for you to be able to discern whether you need to care for yourself or others?

Scripture Meditation

 
Luke 10:38-42

“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’

‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her’” (NIV).