Christian Relationship Advice When Help is Needed

Set Boundaries

All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’;
anything beyond this comes from the evil one.

Matthew 5:37 (NIV)

12-Princ-6-picDo you need guidance on how to set boundaries in your difficult relationship? Whether it is because you weren’t taught how to have limits as a child or have become confused in an unhealthy relationship as an adult, you likely have poor boundaries. Some even believe it isn’t scriptural to have boundaries, as they believe God wants them to tolerate mistreatment in the name of love. They mistakenly perceive Jesus to have been a passive weakling. He was not. He was always fully in control of his life and what he allowed others to do to him. Jesus not only had boundaries, he had very strong boundaries.

Here are some things that interfere with setting boundaries:

  • You hold wrong beliefs and scriptural misunderstandings about boundaries.
  • You would rather give in to keep the peace.
  • You are afraid of the other person’s reaction.
  • You don’t want to hurt the person’s feelings.
  • You don’t trust your own thoughts, feelings, perceptions, and beliefs.
  • You can’t stand to see other people suffer.
  • You believe God is going to change the person so your boundaries aren’t needed.
  • You feel overly responsible for other people’s choices.
  • You aren’t sure if you have the right to set boundaries.

Before you can set boundaries, you have to overcome these things that directly undermine your resolve. You have to know that you not only have the right to set boundaries, but also the responsibility. Once you know that, you then have to figure out your limits in each area of your relationship.

A boundary is simply what you will and will not do. It is not about forcing others to do what you want them to do, but about what you are willing to do and not do in response to their choices. Setting limits isn’t easy, especially in your unhealthy, complicated relationships, but they are important for your own self-protection and self-respect.

No one else can tell you what your boundaries should be. You have to figure out your own limits in your specific circumstances. It takes time, as well as courage and strength, as difficult people will often challenge you, and since you know that, it is best not to set them until you are ready to follow through with what you say you will and will not do.

You will learn how to do the following things:

  • Recognize that you have a right and responsibility to set boundaries.
  • Know your limits in each area of your relationship.
  • Communicate your boundary effectively.
  • Respond to boundary challenges.
  • Adjust your boundary as needed.

You can learn how to set effective personal boundaries with this powerful Relationship-Changing Principle. Learn how you can apply this Christian relationship help to your life today.

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