An “expectation” is the anticipation of something specific happening. When it doesn’t happen, there is disappointment. Thinking about the disappointment leads to irritation and anger that often become resentment.

Resentments are like a fire.

The expectation is the wood.

Reasonable expectations are those that are likely to be met that match the situation. They do not set you up for disappointment. Unreasonable expectations are those that are not likely to be met because the person is unwilling or unable to do so.

The unmet expectation is the spark.

Some expectations are things a normal person would do but the person you are dealing with cannot do. For instance, it is unreasonable to expect an alcoholic not to drink; an abuser not to abuse; a lazy person to be motivated to get a job. It doesn’t feel good to have an expectation unmet. It is disappointing, hurtful, embarrassing, or maddening.

The fuel is the thoughts about the unmet expectation.

The thoughts about the expectation often come in the form of “should” and “shouldn’t.” Examples are, He should have helped me with the dishes, She should have made me dinner, or She should have paid more attention to me. When expectations aren’t met, people often express their resentments in statements that include all-or-nothing words like “always” and “never.” Examples include, He always thinks of himself or She never thinks about how tired I am.

Resentment also grows when you re-feel the disappointment and compare yourself to the other person. You tell yourself things like, I do everything, She does nothing, and It’s not fair.

When you have resentment, you must decide what to do about it.

• You can let it go.
• You can adjust your expectations to make it work for the situation or person.
• You can speak your truth about it to the person in hopes that it works out the next time once the person knows what you want.

Remember, this is not discounting, denying, or pretending. It is being honest about what is happening, what you want, and need but being realistic about what is likely. It also does not mean you have to tolerate things that are not okay. You can speak the truth and set boundaries to take care of yourself.
Remember to assess your expectations to ensure they are reasonable for your situation, so you won’t set yourself up for resentment.
 

 

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,
 
Help me to hold realistic expectations so I won’t set myself up for the disappointment that becomes a resentment. I also want to know when a realistic expectation needs to be a boundary because not meeting it is unacceptable.
 

 

Relationship Devotional Challenge

 

 

 

Scripture Meditation

 
Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life (NIV).

Proverbs 21:29
The wicked put up a bold front, but the upright give thought to their ways (NIV).