“Gaslighting” is a part of crazymaking relationships with narcissists, abusers, manipulators, and other unhealthy destructive people. It is defined as doing or saying something to make you doubt what you heard, said, needed, did, felt, thought, remembered, believed, or saw. The intent is to make you believe you are wrong, and the gaslighter is right so you will give in and do what is wanted.

Being raised in dysfunctional homes and being in dysfunctional relationships means you have a history of being gaslit. After you have been gaslit enough, you begin to do something odd–you gaslight yourself.

Answer these questions to find out if you are gaslighting yourself:

• Do you doubt what you feel?
• Do you doubt what you see?
• Do you doubt what you think?
• Do you doubt what you perceive?
• Do you doubt what you hear?
• Do you doubt what you remember?
• Do you doubt what you need?
• Do you doubt what you believe?
• Do you doubt what you like?

 
If you answered “Yes,” you are gaslighting yourself which means you are invalidating yourself. Validation is agreeing that something is real. When you order a birth certificate from the county registrar, you get one stamped with the registrar’s seal that proves the birth certificate is authentic. When you validate yourself, you believe what you felt, saw, said, thought, experienced, perceived, believed, needed, or remembered is real for you instead of doubting and questioning.

It’s crazymaking to have other people try to get you to doubt yourself. It is even crazier to doubt yourself even when other people aren’t trying to get you to doubt yourself.

How do you stop gaslighting yourself?

First, recognize you are doing it. You can’t stop doing something you don’t know you are doing.

Secondly, change your doubts to affirmations. Instead of questioning yourself, affirm yourself.

Here are some examples of anti-gaslighting affirmations:

• I feel what I feel.
• I believe what I believe.
• I think what I think.
• I saw what I saw.
• I perceived what I perceived.
• I need what I need.
• I heard what I heard.
• I like what I like.
• I don’t like what I don’t like.
• I did what I did.
• I said what I said.

 
Work on affirming yourself instead of gaslighting yourself.
 

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,
 
Help me to have a sound mind that can stand firm in what I know was heard, said, needed, felt, thought, remembered, believed, or seen was true so I will not be unstable like a wave tossed back and forth in the wind.
 

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Do you gaslight yourself?
• Now that you have taken the first step of recognizing it, affirm yourself the next time you doubt yourself.

Scripture Meditation

 
2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

John 8:12-14 (NLT)

Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.” The Pharisees replied, “You are making those claims about yourself! Such testimony is not valid.” Jesus told them, “These claims are valid even though I make them about myself. For I know where I came from and where I am going, but you don’t know this about me.”