Emotional neglect occurs in a relationship in which a person’s emotional needs are consistently ignored, invalidated, and disregarded by a significant other. It is being unconcerned about the person’s feelings, concerns, desires, and experiences. It can qualify as abuse in some cases. Emotional neglect can occur even when physical needs are provided.

Here are the things that are lacking in an emotionally neglectful relationship:

• Awareness of the person’s emotions and the things that impact them.
• Attention when the person is hurting or upset.
• Taking a person’s needs into consideration.
• Avoidance of things that cause pain.
• Response to the person’s requests and needs.
• Validation through attention and affection.
• Reasonable expectations.
• Relational and emotional availability.
• Knowledge of the person’s life.

 
People suffering from emotional neglect feel unloved, unwanted, alone, and hurt. They struggle with self-worth because they interpret the neglect as proof that they don’t deserve to be loved. The more they try to gain the person’s love and attention, the more devastated the neglect makes them feel.

Emotional neglect occurs in marriages, parenting, elder care, foster care, and other relationships in which care for a person’s emotions is expected.

If you are in an emotionally neglectful relationship, recognize that you don’t deserve it. Know that it isn’t about you; it is about the other person who cannot connect emotionally with you and cannot be a part of a two-way relationship. It is vitally important that you recognize that your self-worth is not measured by how someone else treats you. If you need validation that the relationship is emotionally neglectful, reach out to someone who can validate your experience. Take responsibility for getting your needs met in healthy ways outside this relationship. Do a great job of taking care of yourself, because you deserve it.

Figure out how to get your needs met in a healthy way from other people and endeavors. Build your self-worth knowing that God values you as much as any of his children. He is not okay with emotional neglect in a relationship in which a person is supposed to be loved and cared for.
 

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me to be emotionally present in my relationships. Help me to recognize when my emotional needs are being neglected so I can validate what is happening and get my needs met in healthy ways and refuse to take it as a reflection of my worth.
 

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Is or was there emotional neglect in any of your significant relationships?
• What did you believe about the neglect?
• Correct any misbeliefs you told yourself about the neglect.

Scripture Meditation

 
Galatians 5:13–14

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (NIV).

Ephesians 6:4

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (NIV).

Ephesians 5:25–29

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church (NIV).

Genesis 29:31–35

When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he enabled her to conceive, but Rachel remained childless. Leah became pregnant and gave birth to a son. She named him Reuben, for she said, “It is because the LORD has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now.” She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Because the LORD heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too.” So she named him Simeon. Again she conceived, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” So he was named Levi. She conceived again, and when she gave birth to a son she said, “This time I will praise the LORD.” So she named him Judah. Then she stopped having children. (NIV)

As long as Leah believed she could do something to make Jacob love her, she kept her focus on him and blamed herself. Only when she stopped was she able to let go, put her focus on the Lord, and heal.