Denial is the first stage of the grief process when you are dealing with any type of loss. Getting past denial is necessary in order to move into anger, bargaining, depression/sadness and then finally into acceptance. Denial serves an important purpose: it cushions your response to painful events. Just as your body goes into shock when it is injured to prevent you from feeling the pain, you go into emotional shock when you experience things that are too painful to deal with.

Denial is necessary and good for awhile. You will know you are in the denial/shock stage by the following:

• You keep replaying the event/problem in your mind and the response is: “It can’t be.”
• You wake up in the morning or during the night and the event/problem is the first thing that pops into your mind.
• You can’t stop thinking about it.
• You are having difficulty functioning.

Denial could also be a way of coping with ongoing problems you don’t want to deal with such as addictions, dysfunction, relationship issues, stressors, and abuse. By denying the problem exists, you don’t have to worry about it or do anything about it. You can recognize this type of denial by the following:

• You don’t want to think about it.
• You ignore facts and circumstances.
• You make excuses.
• You stuff your emotions and refuse to feel or recognize them.
• People are telling you things you don’t want to hear.

Denial is necessary as a shock absorber when problems first happen, but it is unhealthy when it is used as a way of continuing to not deal with reality. Jesus promised you that the truth will set you free. Dealing with denial is the only way you can live in truth.

You can get past your denial by doing the following:

• Give yourself the right to be in denial when it is allowing you to deal with the initial shock.
• When you tell yourself, “It can’t be,” answer with truth by saying, “But, it is.”
• When you find yourself thinking about it, tell yourself you are going to handle this in a healthy way by working through it—whatever it takes.
• Talk about what is going on with people you can trust, so you can begin to accept that it is what it is.
• Ask the Holy Spirit to lead you into all truth and reveal to you what you need to know when you need to know it.

It isn’t always easy to get past the denial because it means you have to deal with painful things, but it is worth it.

Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Protect me from truth that I am not ready to face. Send the Holy Spirit in your perfect timing to lead me into all truth and then give me the courage to face the truth no matter how uncomfortable it is.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• If you are aware that you are using denial as a way to avoid dealing with things that are painful, purpose to face the truth.
• Ask the Holy Spirit to lead you into all truth in your relationships.

Scripture Meditation

 
John 16:13

“But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth” (NIV).