I have a friend who was a caretaker for her elderly mom for years. I frequently talked to her about taking time for herself and setting boundaries while empathizing with how difficult it was for her. I felt like I understood her dilemma. And then my mother-in-law got cancer and I became her caregiver. I experienced the stress, worry, and doctor appointments. I struggled with how to manage her illness along with my normal busy life which had plenty of its own stress.

I now had an experiential understanding of what my friend went through. I now really knew how it felt and how hard it really was. I didn’t really get it before.

When people share their pain with you, support them the best you know how. You don’t have to feel bad that you haven’t experienced it, but take that fact into consideration when you respond. Of course, if you have been through something similar, it will be easier to empathize.

When someone is sharing their struggles and pain with you, show empathy by:

• Listening to try to understand rather than assuming you understand.
• Believing the experience of the person at face value.
• Not sharing a similar experience, unless it really is similar.
• Not saying, “I know how you feel.”
• Not offering platitudes or trite phrases, because you don’t know what else to say such as: “It will all work for the good,” “It’s God’s will,” or “Trust God.”
• Not offering quick fixes or advice.
• Not talking about you, especially how well things are going or about problems that are small in comparison.
• Letting the person express all their struggles and pain, even if you think the person should be handling it differently.

If you can do these simple things, you will be giving the gift of empathy.

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me to truly empathize with people that share their pain and struggles with me.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Pay attention to how you respond to people who are hurting.
• Purpose to offer the gift of empathy to the hurting people God brings into your life.

Scripture Meditation

 
Proverbs 25:20

“Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar poured on soda, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart” (NIV).

I knew someone would be cold if I took their garments on a cold day, but I didn’t know what would happen when vinegar was poured on soda, so I tried it. The vinegar immediately made the soda bubble and sizzle violently, as if it were being burned. That’s how bad it feels to have someone minimize your pain.

Hebrews 13:3

“Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering” (NIV).

God wants us to have empathy.

Romans 12:15

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (NRSV).

We can take a cue from the person we are talking to in how to respond.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” (NIV).

Empathy is at its best when you have experienced something similar. Let God use your pain to comfort those He brings into your life with struggles you have dealt with. You will not only be giving the gift of empathy, but you will see purpose in your own struggles.
 

By Karla Downing