One of the Ten Commandments given by God is to honor your mother and father. “Honor” simply means to consider how to show proper respect and value.

If your parents are emotionally unhealthy, narcissistic, addicted, disconnected, abusive, irresponsible, blaming, uncaring, or selfish, it isn’t easy to honor them, because you don’t respect them. Here are ways you can honor a dishonorable parent:

Do what you can. You might be able to visit your parents in their home but not have them in yours. You might be able to help with medical needs but not the rent. You might be able to have a long-distance relationship but not see them in person. You might be able to have short conversations but not spend lengthy time with them. You might be able to discuss certain topics but not others. You might be able to see them but you can’t allow your children to see them.

Communicate respectfully. You may need to confront your parents with uncomfortable truth about the past or the present. When you speak to them, be respectful. Don’t talk to them in front of other people. You can use appropriate emotion, but keep it focused and don’t attack, shame, or threaten. Keep in mind that these are the people who gave you life. Accept your part in the problem by owning your perceptions, opinions, experiences, and feelings. Recognize that your parents have the right to make choices for themselves as adults, and so do you.

Refuse to enable. Honoring does not require you to enable your parents to continue irresponsible or wrong behavior. It doesn’t honor your parents when you do things that ultimately will hurt them or their relationship with you and others. When you honor someone, you want what is best for them, because you value them enough to care. Refusing to enable unhealthy choices is investing in your parents’ long-term good. That way, your actions increase the chance of seeing positive changes. In extreme circumstances, this may mean you cannot have a relationship with extremely unhealthy parents until they make changes.

Honoring your parents doesn’t require you to condone or tolerate unacceptable behavior. It doesn’t require you to allow them to harm you, your children, or your spouse. It simply means you remember they are your parents and that you keep that in mind when you interact with them.

By Karla Downing
 

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me figure out how to honor my parents, even when they aren’t honorable.
 

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Are you honoring your parents the way God intended?

Scripture Meditation

 
Exodus 20:12

“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”