“Gaslighting” is when someone says or does something to make you doubt what you heard, said, did, or saw. The intent is to make you believe you are wrong, and the other person is right. It is an attempt to use power over you to get what the gaslighter wants.

All kinds of people gaslight: employers, spouses, children, parents, friends, partners, ex-spouses, siblings, grandparents, politicians, and even the government.

What is an effective response to gaslighting?

First, recognize it. You can’t respond correctly if you don’t know you are being gaslighted.

Second, don’t let it work. It is up to you to believe it or not. That might sound simple, but it isn’t. Gaslighters know what to do to get you to doubt yourself. They purposefully choose things they know will get to you. You need to work at holding onto your truth.

Third, decide how to respond. Sometimes, it is best to walk away. Other times, it is best to let the gaslighter know you aren’t buying into the gaslighting. Here are some things you can say that communicate that message:

• “Don’t gaslight me.”
• “That isn’t true.”
• “That’s the way you see it. I see/feel/believe differently.”
• “Hmmm.”
• “I don’t believe that.”
• “Don’t lie to me. I know what I saw/did/said/heard.”
• “Do you really think I am going to believe that?”

Remember, you can’t force a gaslighter not to gaslight. You can only decide whether it works on you.
 

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me not to allow myself to be fooled by people who try to gaslight me into believing something that isn’t true.
 

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Do you recognize when you are being gaslighted?
• Do you believe it?
• Do you respond in an effective way?

Scripture Meditation

 
John 8:1-9

But Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground. At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there.