Before we can be relationally healthy, we have to be healthy within ourselves. “Healthy” means to be well and whole. It means you are functioning as you should and that dys-function isn’t hindering you.
If you are healthy emotionally, spiritually, and mentally, you will be able to do the following things:

• Feel your feelings and embrace them as yours, even if they are uncomfortable or negative.
• Listen to your thoughts and acknowledge them as yours and deal with them because they are saying something about you.
• Accept responsibility for your actions, thoughts, and feelings without blaming them on someone or something else.
• Analyze your actions, thoughts, and feelings and decide what to do with them.
• Face the truth about your life—past and present.
• Admit your mistakes and make amends for them.

When people are emotionally, spiritually, and mentally unhealthy, they won’t be able to do those things. They repress their feelings, ignore their thoughts, excuse their actions, blame others, give little thought to their ways, deny the truth about their past and present, and refuse to admit when they are wrong.

You can see how these abilities are at the core of what you would need to be able to do to have a healthy relationship. When you are in a relationship with people who cannot do these basic things, you will have an unhealthy dynamic with them. You will not be able to make them see truth about themselves or be accountable.

When you are deciding how to interact with people in a relationship (what to say or do, what boundaries to set, and what to expect or not expect), keep these things in mind. The person you are dealing with has limitations if they cannot do these things. It doesn’t mean you have to excuse them; it just means you can adjust your actions to reflect who you are dealing with, so you will be less likely to waste time trying to force the person to do what he/she isn’t capable of doing.

By Karla Downing

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Help me to be healthy within myself, so I can be healthy in my relationships. Help me assess whether the people in my life are healthy or unhealthy.

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Are you relationally healthy? Take the test for yourself. If you aren’t healthy, work on your weaknesses.
• Answer the questions for a relationship you are struggling with. Is the person relationally healthy or unhealthy? How does this assessment change your expectations for your relationship with this person?

Scripture Meditation

 
1 John 1:5-10

“This, in essence, is the message we heard from Christ and are passing on to you: God is light, pure light; there’s not a trace of darkness in him. If we claim that we experience a shared life with him and continue to stumble around in the dark, we’re obviously lying through our teeth—we’re not living what we claim. But if we walk in the light, God himself being the light, we also experience a shared life with one another, as the sacrificed blood of Jesus, God’s Son, purges all our sin. If we claim that we’re free of sin, we’re only fooling ourselves. A claim like that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins—make a clean breast of them—he won’t let us down; he’ll be true to himself. He’ll forgive our sins and purge us of all wrongdoing. If we claim that we’ve never sinned, we out-and-out contradict God—make a liar out of him. A claim like that only shows off our ignorance of God” (The Message Bible).

It is impossible to have a healthy relationship with God or other people, unless a person faces the truth about themselves.