Picture a grey rock. It’s plain without any other color. It’s just like millions of other grey rocks. If you tossed it into a pile of grey rocks, you couldn’t identify the one you threw in.

When you’re dealing with someone who is argumentative, difficult, manipulative, critical, abusive, narcissistic, or malicious, you can’t win by outtalking or out-arguing. You can’t win by using truth when someone is willing to lie, and you can’t win by using reason when the person is willing to twist reality.

Here are some examples of times you can try grey rocking:

• When someone wants you to participate in their relationship drama by siding with them.
• When someone wants you to react to their accusations so they can blame you for reacting.
• When someone wants you to feel guilty for not doing what they want.
• When someone wants you to offer an opinion just so they can argue and tell you that you’re wrong.

When you recognize that you cannot possibly get anywhere by providing details that will only encourage the person to further play their game with you, try grey rocking. When you grey rock, you minimally engage by commenting in very basic ways about concrete, boring things: the weather, your surroundings, and indisputable facts. You use short phrases like “mm-hmm,” “uh-huh,” “oh,” “could be,” “okay,” “maybe,” “yeah,” or “right” to respond. You essentially become very boring and dull to interact with—just like a grey rock. You don’t give opinions. You avoid eye contact, provide no details, and show no emotion. You can even focus your attention on something other than the person as if you are completely disinterested.

The person who wants to engage you in their game will be more likely to disengage when you stop giving them anything to play with. And that is your goal.
 

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,

Give me wisdom when dealing with difficult people who only want me to join their drama. Help me remember to try grey rocking.
 

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Think of a difficult person in your life.
• Imagine a conversation in which they invite you to join their game.
• Imagine yourself grey rocking. What would you say and how would you act?

Scripture Meditation

 
Proverbs 23:9 (NIV)

Do not speak to fools, for they will scorn your prudent words.
 
Proverbs 20:3 (NIV)

It is to one’s honor to avoid strife, but every fool is quick to quarrel.