Boundaries communicate what is acceptable and not acceptable in your relationships. They are important protections against harmful things, but they also allow good things into your life. Boundaries can be weak, healthy, or rigid. People can have different boundary styles in various relationships because the dynamics impact them differently.

Weak boundaries allow too much into your life. Your guard is down so you allow anyone to get close to you. You trust people before you should by sharing too much personal information. You get overly involved in other people’s lives and say yes because you can’t say no. You easily give in to avoid conflict and agree with others’ opinions and values.

Rigid boundaries are the opposite. They keep almost everyone and everything out of your life and share very little about yourself because you are untrusting. You say no to almost everything. You are detached from other people’s problems to avoid involvement. Conflict is dealt with rigidly and aggressively by asserting your views and refusing to consider others’ views. Personal values and beliefs are strong and inflexible, and the rigidity causes relationship problems.

Healthy boundaries allow good people and good things in and keep bad people and bad things out. Trust is neither offered nor withheld; instead, you take time to build it. Information is selectively shared appropriately with safe people. You can say no and yes based on what you are willing and not willing to do. You can support other people without getting overly involved in their lives. You can resolve conflict. You hold your own opinions and values while being open to others.

Boundary styles are impacted by your family of origin dynamics. It is highly likely that you handle things the same way as an adult as you did as a child. The good news is that you can learn to have healthy boundaries.

When people begin to exercise boundaries after not having them, sometimes they swing too far and become rigid. In time, they can find a balance. When you are learning to have healthy boundaries, it is best to start in safe relationships where you will get less pushback. Difficult people will not be happy that you are finally finding your voice and standing up for yourself.
 

Relationship Devotional Prayer

 
God,
 
Help me to develop healthy boundaries in all my relationships.
 

Relationship Devotional Challenge

• Review the characteristics of weak, healthy, and rigid boundaries.
• Identify which ones you have in your relationships.
• Choose one of your safer relationships to set a small boundary.

Scripture Meditation

 
Proverbs 12:23 (NIV)
The prudent keep their knowledge to themselves, but a fool’s heart blurts out folly.
 
1 Thessalonians 5:20-22 (NIV)
Do not treat prophecies with contempt but test them all; hold on to what is good,
reject every kind of evil.
 
Ecclesiastes 7:18 (NIV)
It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes.
 
Psalm 4:8 (NIV)
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety.